You may be familiar with the story often attributed to Cherokee tradition: a grandfather tells his grandson that inside each of us are two wolves. One represents fear, anger, ego, and blame. The other stands for hope, empathy, honesty, and integrity.

When the boy asks, “Which one wins?”, the grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

It’s a simple metaphor, but it resonates deeply, especially in our work lives, where internal conflict often plays out in our interactions, leadership style, and team culture.

Workplaces are full of wolf moments

Every day, we’re faced with small decisions that reveal which “wolf” we’re feeding - not just in dramatic moments, but in the ordinary pressures of work:

• Choosing curiosity over control in a team meeting
• Responding calmly instead of defensively to feedback
• Supporting a colleague, even when you’re under pressure
• Letting go of something that didn’t go your way

These aren’t just emotional wins. They shape how others experience us. And collectively, they shape culture.

Internal conflict isn’t a flaw - it’s human

We all carry both wolves. The point isn’t to eliminate the “bad” one, it’s to recognise when it shows up and choose whether we let it lead.

At work, this internal conflict might show up as:

• Second-guessing yourself after a tough conversation
• Feeling the pull to defend or justify instead of reflect
• Judging a colleague instead of understanding their perspective
• Reacting from ego instead of listening to feedback

The more awareness we build around these patterns, the more often we can respond with intention, not just instinct.

What feeding the right wolf looks like at work

Feeding the right wolf in a workplace context could look like:

• Taking a pause before replying to that email
• Naming the story you're telling yourself about a situation
• Seeking feedback, even when it’s uncomfortable
• Staying curious, especially when frustrated
• Modelling calm and integrity, not just urgency or output

These micro-moments, repeated over time, can shift not only how you lead — but how others feel working with you.

For leaders, it starts with you

If you’re in a leadership role, how you manage your internal state directly affects others. When you respond with calm, reflection, or humility, it creates space for others to do the same. When you react from fear or ego, that energy spreads too.

It doesn’t mean getting it right every time. It means being willing to notice, reset, and grow.

Final thought

The story of the two wolves reminds us that power doesn't always lie in big decisions. Often, it’s the small internal choices, made quietly and consistently, that shape the kind of leader, teammate, or organisation we become.

Which wolf are you feeding today?

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At Intepeople, we work with leaders and teams across Aotearoa to support workplace wellbeing, leadership growth, and conflict resolution. If you’re navigating the people side of business, we’d love to help. Please get in touch.