There is a story about internal conflict we like to tell about a wise, old Cherokee American Indian. There are many versions of this story and they can vary slightly in details, but the moral of the tale is the same.
A group of Cherokee children gathered around their grandfather. They were filled with excitement and curiosity. That day, there had been quite a tumultuous conflict between two adults and their grandfather was called in to mediate.
The children were eager to hear what he had to say about it. One of the children popped a question to the grandfather that was puzzling him.
“Grandfather, why do people fight?”
“Well” the old man replied “we all have two wolves inside us, you see. They are in our chest and these wolves are constantly fighting each other”.
The eyes of the children had grown big by now.
“In our chests too, grandfather?” asked another child. “And in your chest too?” asked a third one.
He nodded, “Yes, in my chest too. He sure had their attention now. The grandfather continued. “There is a White Wolf and a Black Wolf. The Black Wolf inside us is filled with fear, anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The White Wolf is filled with peace, love, hope, courage, humility, compassion, and faith. They battle constantly”.
Then he stopped. The child that asked the initial question continued. “But grandfather, which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied...
When hearing this story, many people realise how often their world and internal conflict is dominated by the Black Wolf. Everyone can resonate with the “feeding” of emotions such as anger, jealousy and fear. These emotions can, at times, have power over us – but let’s face it, it doesn’t feel good when we are in this space, does it?
By giving these emotions – the Black Wolf - our headspace, we are fundamentally feeding them. Admittedly, it can be hard to “snap out of it”. Many of us have a very underdeveloped White Wolf.
For some people, whilst growing up, it was not often fed by parents or those people in positions of authority, such as teachers. Certain organisational cultures can encourage the “Black Wolf”. This can lead our White Wolf to be weak, skinny and small. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible to change our focus and attention, moving forward.
We each have a choice which wolf we want to feed when experiencing internal conflict. We can stop feeding the Black Wolf and start feeding the White Wolf at any given moment.
It’s also worth noting that this is something you need to work at constantly. It’s true that some people find it more difficult than others to choose the White Wolf, but at the end of the day we can all choose to stop feeding the Black Wolf. We can all choose to feed the White Wolf.
It’s that simple. But it ain’t easy!
Black wolf shows up as:
White Wolf shows up as:
The Black Wolf is primarily self-serving and mainly interested in staying ahead of the other wolves at any cost. She is the ‘survivor’ within us.
The White Wolf, however, is interested in your development and sees herself as a mere vehicle to spread loving kindness. She is led by this cause. It doesn’t feel like a choice or an obligation, she just surrenders to the call of this life force - it just feels natural.
It can be tough to get your inner White Wolf healthy, when your Black Wolf is always eager to steal as much food as possible! But persevere. The day will come when you’ll notice that the White Wolf has become equally strong. That’s when you know you’ve hit the tipping point.
Although that inner battle may still continue, if you consistently do some of the things listed below that feed your White Wolf, she will win more fights and keep getting stronger.
Written by Anna Gibbons, Intepeople Executive Coach and Founder of Best of Today - Workplace Wellbeing Programme.
The term ‘mindfulness’ can bring up various images for people. They may see a Buddhist monk, someone practicing yoga, the meditation pose or someone doing deep breathing. Not as many people would think of neuroscientists, researchers and executives practising mindfulness at work.
The exciting thing is that mindfulness now has research behind it. We can now explain why mindfulness is no longer just a Buddhist term, but a ‘must do’ for executives.
I personally look at mindfulness for executives and leaders the same as a sports conditioning coach for an Olympic athlete. If you want to learn how to get the most out of your brain - and in return, the most out of your life both personally and professionally - you MUST know how to incorporate mindfulness into your life/training.
And no, I don’t mean you need to stop and breathe and sit cross-legged in your office practising mindfulness at work. You can simply bring mindfulness into your daily life in a realistic way that’s right for you.
But first, learn the why.
David Rock, the Founder of Neuroleadership (the Brain Based Coaching System that I use in my coaching), explains this really well in his Psychology Today journal here.
Essentially, the brain has two networks which we can switch between. One network is the Default Network and the other is the Direct Experience Network.
The Default Network is the one that most people stay in for the majority of their day.
It includes thinking about the past and future and includes a narrative with characters and a story. The story involves history about you and other people - I like to call it the ‘NST FM’ Radio (The Non-Stop Talking FM Radio). It can be loud, distracting and tiring!
Now, there is nothing wrong with the Default Network but you want to limit experiencing your entire world through only this network.
When the Direct Experience Network is active, several different brain regions become more stimulated. As a result, you are experiencing information coming into your senses in real time. In this network, the brain is calmer, clearer, sharper and more focused.
If an executive can practice switching between the two networks they become stronger and more successful in the following:
So, mindfulness is actually just the opposite to 'Mindlessness'. Mindfulness is scientifically proven to make you the best version of yourself!
Step 1: Building your self-awareness of when you are in each network.
Step 2: Learn ways that work for you to tune into your Direct Experience Network during ‘moments’ in your day. Little bite size moments of ‘mindfulness’ which have no narrative but purely tuning in on the senses – touch, vision, hearing, etc.
Step 3: Allow your brain 30 minute bouts of ‘focus’ time on one task with no interruptions. Yes, that’s right – turning off your phone and email alerts!
Step 4: Keep practicing. It may be simple but it is not easy! Keep practicing - it is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets.
To find out more about Executive Coaching with Intepeople contact kimberley@intepeople.co.nz
By Executive Coach Anna Gibbons
