CONTACT

After spending some time on the beach or in the outdoors over the summer break, away from the pressures of everyday life and routines, we can often find ourselves reflecting on a what a new direction or change in our life might look like for us.

When we feel stirred to consider a life change it’s worth taking some time to reflect and challenge ourselves to look ‘outside the box’.  Our brain likes to put ‘perceived’ barriers in our way and say “I can’t do that because of ____" or “I can’t do that because if it doesn’t work then ____ will happen."

Next time you find yourself saying "I can’t" or find yourself focusing on it not working or being possible, turn it around and ask yourself:

“But what if it did work?”  or “What would happen if I did do ____?”

This simple change in questioning can remove the barriers in your brain, allowing you to visualise success and think 'outside the box'.

If you are feeling curious in considering new pathways for yourself in your career this year, I invite you to sit down with a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine), put some relaxing music on, grab a pen + paper and answer the following questions.

These five questions personally helped lead me to a life-changing decision to re-train and become a Coach - a job that I love immensely!  I hope you find these questions just as empowering for making your own change.

Question 1 - When have you felt most fulfilled in the past?

Think back to times in your past when you felt most energised, re-charged, happy and content. When was it that you felt you were in the ‘zone’ and doing something that was fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable and fun?

Was it a past job, a role within a certain environment or team? Or was it whilst you were coaching a team? Organising an event?  Was it when you were at school in a leadership position? Or was it when you were doing volunteer work?

Question 2 - What made those times so enjoyable?

Now, consider what it was about the above times which made it so enjoyable. Was it the people involved?  The action itself? The qualities needed, e.g. leadership?  Was it the challenge for you personally?

The more you can extract from the above times, the more helpful it will be when looking into your future. Write down as many things as you can think of that made these times so enjoyable for you.

Question 3 - What careers/jobs have those attributes?

Next, write down as many possible future careers/jobs which have the attributes in your answers for Q2.  Have fun with this, writing down as many as you can which involve the things you enjoy.

Question 4 - What criteria does your future job need to suit you and your lifestyle?

Now, ask yourself what are the ‘absolute must haves’ that a future job needs to have for you to be interested?  e.g. flexible working hours, or it must involve working with people, or it must be mentally stimulating or interesting (that is doing something new each day or vice versa - some people need routine and don’t cope with change).  What does your future job need to have to align with you and your lifestyle?

Question 5 - Which has the strongest alignment with your values?

Finally, circle or highlight the jobs above in Q3 which have the criteria you have you stipulated in Q4.  Write them down and open your mind up to being curious on each of them.  Research them all.  Speak to people you know who are in these areas to determine which has the strongest alignment with your values.  When all areas of our life are in alignment with our values we are at our happiest and strongest self.

If you haven’t connected to your values for the year ahead, I strongly recommend doing this. Keep an eye out for an upcoming blog where I'll share how to do this.

Ready to make a change in 2019?

Written by Anna Gibbons, Intepeople Executive Coach.

_______________

Follow Intepeople on Facebook & LinkedIn for our latest news and advice.

There is a story about internal conflict we like to tell about a wise, old Cherokee American Indian. There are many versions of this story and they can vary slightly in details, but the moral of the tale is the same.

A group of Cherokee children gathered around their grandfather. They were filled with excitement and curiosity. That day, there had been quite a tumultuous conflict between two adults and their grandfather was called in to mediate.

The children were eager to hear what he had to say about it. One of the children popped a question to the grandfather that was puzzling him.

“Grandfather, why do people fight?”

“Well” the old man replied “we all have two wolves inside us, you see. They are in our chest and these wolves are constantly fighting each other”.

The eyes of the children had grown big by now.

“In our chests too, grandfather?” asked another child. “And in your chest too?” asked a third one.

He nodded, “Yes, in my chest too. He sure had their attention now. The grandfather continued. “There is a White Wolf and a Black Wolf. The Black Wolf inside us is filled with fear, anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The White Wolf is filled with peace, love, hope, courage, humility, compassion, and faith. They battle constantly”.

Then he stopped. The child that asked the initial question continued. “But grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied...

“That’s simple… it’s the wolf we feed the most.”

When hearing this story, many people realise how often their world and internal conflict is dominated by the Black Wolf. Everyone can resonate with the “feeding” of emotions such as anger, jealousy and fear. These emotions can, at times, have power over us – but let’s face it, it doesn’t feel good when we are in this space, does it?

By giving these emotions – the Black Wolf - our headspace, we are fundamentally feeding them. Admittedly, it can be hard to “snap out of it”. Many of us have a very underdeveloped White Wolf.

For some people, whilst growing up, it was not often fed by parents or those people in positions of authority, such as teachers. Certain organisational cultures can encourage the “Black Wolf”. This can lead our White Wolf to be weak, skinny and small. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible to change our focus and attention, moving forward.

What is the moral of this story?

We each have a choice which wolf we want to feed when experiencing internal conflict. We can stop feeding the Black Wolf and start feeding the White Wolf at any given moment.

It’s also worth noting that this is something you need to work at constantly. It’s true that some people find it more difficult than others to choose the White Wolf, but at the end of the day we can all choose to stop feeding the Black Wolf. We can all choose to feed the White Wolf.

It’s that simple. But it ain’t easy!

How can we recognise the Black Wolf?

Black wolf shows up as:

How can we recognise the White Wolf?

White Wolf shows up as:

The Black Wolf is primarily self-serving and mainly interested in staying ahead of the other wolves at any cost. She is the ‘survivor’ within us.

The White Wolf, however, is interested in your development and sees herself as a mere vehicle to spread loving kindness. She is led by this cause. It doesn’t feel like  a choice or an obligation, she just surrenders to the call of this life force - it just feels natural.

It can be tough to get your inner White Wolf healthy, when your Black Wolf is always eager to steal as much food as possible! But persevere. The day will come when you’ll notice that the White Wolf has become equally strong. That’s when you know you’ve hit the tipping point.

Although that inner battle may still continue, if you consistently do some of the things listed below that feed your White Wolf, she will win more fights and keep getting stronger.

Ways to feed your White Wolf

 


Written by Anna Gibbons, Intepeople Executive Coach and Founder of Best of Today - Workplace Wellbeing Programme.

 

This may be confronting for some people, but saying “I’m so busy!” is actually another way of saying, “I’m not managing myself”.

Language creates our reality, so it’s important to avoid using words like ‘busy’.

Here’s another way of looking at time management, self-management and how to manage your commitments.

A top graduate decides to approach four top law firms and asks them to tender for his employment. He was 24 years old with a double degree with honours and could speak three languages. He was actively involved in social work and kept physically fit with exercise and sporting endeavours.

So he felt he could be inventive and ask the firms to tender for him rather than the other way around.

Two of the firms were intrigued enough to organise a job interview with this graduate and during one of the interviews he was asked, "How did you manage to achieve so much at such a young age? I’m also intrigued on how you manage to keep a well-balanced life with social work and fitness. How do you do it?"

He answered – “24 boxes!”

“I don’t look at time as 24 hours. I look at my 24 hour day as 24 Boxes”.

Time Management Activity

Picture having 24 Boxes given to you a day.

Each box is a 5L box. You can only fill this box with 5 litres of contents. You can’t push 6 litres of things into this box because then things will overflow and erupt, or you may know the feeling as 'the wheels fall off!'

The key is - if the box is full and you decide you really need to urgently put something else into this box then you must first create room for it by taking something else out of the box.

Try it!

Draw up 24 boxes and discover how you use your 24 boxes (choose a typical workday to begin with).

  1. Sleep - average hours of sleep a night? 6, 7 or 8 hours? Colour in, highlight, or cross out.
  2. Work - the true number of hours you do on a typical workday
  3. Commuting time - how many minutes do you commute for each day?
  4. Exercise time
  5. House Management time – this includes going to the supermarket, meal preparation, washing, house jobs, etc.
  6. Family/Relationship time – this includes bathing, dropping off and picking up, reading stories, school lunches, homework, sports drop offs.
  7. Down time – zoning out or unwinding time before bed.
  8. Board meetings / Committee meeting - or other commitments at night

Now ask yourself:

How many boxes are left over?

Or did you run out of boxes before you finished?

Are your boxes serving you well?

What connections are you making after completing this activity?

Do you forget to say “no” in order to say “yes” to things?

How could this make an impact in the way you manage yourself, and manage your time? Are you "too busy?"

By Intepeople Executive Coach, Anna Gibbons. Find out more about Intepeople's Executive Coaching services here.

The term ‘mindfulness’ can bring up various images for people.  They may see a Buddhist monk, someone practicing yoga, the meditation pose or someone doing deep breathing. Not as many people would think of neuroscientists, researchers and executives practising mindfulness at work.

The exciting thing is that mindfulness now has research behind it.  We can now explain why mindfulness is no longer just a Buddhist term, but a ‘must do’ for executives.

I personally look at mindfulness for executives and leaders the same as a sports conditioning coach for an Olympic athlete.  If you want to learn how to get the most out of your brain  - and in return, the most out of your life both personally and professionally - you MUST know how to incorporate mindfulness into your life/training.

And no, I don’t mean you need to stop and breathe and sit cross-legged in your office practising mindfulness at work. You can simply bring mindfulness into your daily life in a realistic way that’s right for you.

But first, learn the why.

Why does the human brain thrive with Mindfulness?

David Rock, the Founder of Neuroleadership (the Brain Based Coaching System that I use in my coaching), explains this really well in his Psychology Today journal here.

Essentially, the brain has two networks which we can switch between. One network is the Default Network and the other is the Direct Experience Network.

The Default Network

The Default Network is the one that most people stay in for the majority of their day.

It includes thinking about the past and future and includes a narrative with characters and a story.  The story involves history about you and other people -  I like to call it the ‘NST FM’ Radio (The Non-Stop Talking FM Radio). It can be loud, distracting and tiring!

Now, there is nothing wrong with the Default Network but you want to limit experiencing your entire world through only this network.

The Direct Experience Network

When the Direct Experience Network is active, several different brain regions become more stimulated.  As a result, you are experiencing information coming into your senses in real time. In this network, the brain is calmer, clearer, sharper and more focused.

If an executive can practice switching between the two networks they become stronger and more successful in the following:

  1. Controlling their emotion in moments of conflict or stress
  2. Decreasing nerves before having to do a presentation or speak publicly
  3. Focussing on one thing at a time (increased accuracy of their work)
  4. Being a fantastic listener for their team and therefore ultimately become a better leader
  5. Increase in energy for their day, avoiding that mid-afternoon plummet

 

So, mindfulness is actually just the opposite to 'Mindlessness'.  Mindfulness is scientifically proven to make you the best version of yourself! 

Mindfulness At Work - Intepeople Executing Coaching NZ

Ways to increase your Mindfulness at work

Step 1: Building your self-awareness of when you are in each network.

Step 2:  Learn ways that work for you to tune into your Direct Experience Network during ‘moments’ in your day.  Little bite size moments of ‘mindfulness’ which have no narrative but purely tuning in on the senses – touch, vision, hearing, etc.

Step 3:  Allow your brain 30 minute bouts of ‘focus’ time on one task with no interruptions. Yes, that’s right – turning off your phone and email alerts!

Step 4:  Keep practicing.  It may be simple but it is not easy!  Keep practicing - it is like a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it gets.


To find out more about Executive Coaching with Intepeople contact kimberley@intepeople.co.nz

By Executive Coach Anna Gibbons

Written by Intepeople Executive Coach, Anna Gibbons.

“It’s not that someone needs a coach, it’s that everyone deserves one.’’

Coaching is no longer just for under-performers - it’s for the ambitious, those with dreams and goals of thriving to their full potential and being authentic leaders in their organisations.

Here are five great reasons for working with an Executive Coach on your own personal and professional development:

1. Increased Clarity and Perspective

We all know the saying when you’re in a situation, ‘you can’t see the wood for the trees’.  When we’re rushing from home to work and juggling being a parent and a partner with our career, we simply do not get the time to sit, self-reflect and create change.

Sure, we can chat with our colleagues, friends and family - but it’s a very different conversation with an executive coach.

The quality of our conversations are crucial and a coach can help keep your clarity and perspective when discussing challenges and stressful situations.  Our friends and family are great at offering empathy and sympathy, but a coach tends to hold the space for you to find solutions rather than jump into the pit with you.

2. Accountability

The brain likes to offer excuses when you’re trying to get out of doing the things you don’t like doing. But it’s the things we don’t like doing the most that usually have the greatest return or pay off.

An executive coach helps you to ‘lean in’ to these things rather than to ‘lean away’.  When you have to meet with your coach to discuss progress and your actions towards your goals, you are no longer able to procrastinate and put things off.

3. Increase Confidence

Negative self talk is in everyone’s brain. Yes, EVERYONE'S!  The main difference between successful and happy people is that they choose not to listen to it the same as unhappy people or unsuccessful people perhaps do.

The human brain is hardwired to keep us safe so it’s constantly wanting to bring the fear of ‘not being good enough’, or fear of ‘failure’ into our thoughts.  However, we no longer have to worry about tigers chasing us, so we need to learn to control this negative self-talk. An executive coach can help you do this by building on your mental tool kit.

4. Creating your life

Having an executive coach isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.

A coach will ask you questions you may never have been asked before.  They will help you picture success and visualise where you want to be, what it feels like, looks like and sounds like.  When the brain is in a positive and motivated state, solutions jump out at you and you can more easily make a plan to get where you want to go.

5. Faster Results

'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.'

A coach helps you to see the barriers that are holding you back from achieving the results you want.  Barriers can be limiting decisions or unhelpful beliefs that no longer serve us.  By reconnecting with our values and purpose we are able to work more efficiently and make better decisions.

These are just a few of the many reasons why an executive coach should be part of everyone’s personal and professional development plan.  If you are tempted to find out more about Intepeople’s Executive Coaching services, contact us now.

Whakatū | Nelson

Te Whanga-nui-a-Tara | Wellington

Ōtautahi | Christchurch

Waiharakeke | Blenheim

Better people make a better world
chevron-down linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram